Frustrations

I know my situation isn't a unique one so if I come off as bitching like I'm the only one who has to go through this, forgive me, skip the post, whatever.

This morning I got a call from someone at E's neurosurgeon's office because they couldn't get a hold of him.  No biggie, he generally doesn't answer the phone unless he has to so I figured he didn't recognize the number and ignored it.  So I call to relay the message and *I* can't get a fucking hold of him.  Argh!  So frustrating. 

That is the story of my life these days.  I work all day, come home to a housework, dinner, homework with the kids and quite frankly?  I don't do as good a job of it with ANY of it.  Fuck, I feel like a failure. I'm sitting here bored at work and right now it just has me in tears.  I SHOULD be at home.

 My home is a house - a messy house that I'm too freaking tired to clean properly.  After school, I should be there - I want to be there to have a snack with my kids, to be there for homework time - to suggest an article for the Elfling to do her weekly current events paper on - to nudge the Diva into writing about a book she read to turn into her class.  Dinner shouldn't be some frantically thought up thing based on something that E hopefully took out to thaw.  Yeah, in light of a time when we hear of so many people who's dinners come from fast food day in and day out - thank god I'm cooking...but I just wish it weren't so frenetic and depressing all rolled into one. 

I know, I know...baby steps and setting up routines is the way to go but what do you do when you're too bloody tired for even that?