The Land of Good Intentions

Don't even get me started about new years...I don't know what happened but it just didn't feel special or significant this year. Anybody who knows me, knows that I tend to start on about how I don't do resolutions and all that crap. Maybe I should have just to liven things up a bit. *laughs* Ok, maybe not.

You know, what I did do was cook. The original plan had been for a bunch of nibblies for what I had expected to be a movie fest but with the weather being just icky, I really didn't feel like making the extra trip out just to get the mats that I had in mind. Luckily it was perfect for making a big pan of baked ziti! The Diva was also quick to remind me that I promised a new years cheesecake. Why? Because the Christmas one was a bit of a wash. I had no graham crackers and tried to improvise with a cereal crumb crust which was....jagged. Pretty tasty, but a hazard for tender palates. The girls pounced on the cheesecake way too soon out of the oven and declared it something along the lines of like eating rice pudding...without the rice. This was a very good thing! It was pretty damn good cold too so huzzah! My cheesecake skills never let me down.

Looking back in the year of my bloggery, it's been disheartening to see how little I do it. Good intentions is what came to mind when it came time to considering this post. I hate when I'm the one who had them and don't lead them on to fruition.  I didn't want think in terms of resolutions but what resolutions should be - habits formed. I always vow to do more writing. I should maybe consider myself a writer but I don't. Is it something I need to work on? Is it a mind state I don't feel or even feel I deserve. I don't know, to be honest. That being said, I'm going to try writing - be it here, in journal or thoughts in an email every day.

It's funny, saying that, when I know I pretty much didn't do it yesterday. Already I've missed and failed. No! No I haven't! I've picked up the next day and embraced the challenge because I'm here now. Trust me, there have been too many times when I've become discouraged too easily and given up. Now that, my friends, is a habit worth breaking.

Where am I going to go from here? It's hard to say - there's definitely this fear that my scattered mind also has the dark cloud of worry that things I want to share are really just too stupid to share. Like the very childlike ornaments I made for Christmas. Do I dare share them, are other things I've made too...basic for public viewing. I think I must have a really shabby chic decorator's eye.  No, make that no eye - I'd like to change that. I'd like to embrace holidays I enjoy and show it in the house. I want to come up with ideas to better organize my house, make it a place I'm comfortable with people entering.

In the end, it all comes round to wanting something....what is that something...maybe it's order in the chaos of my mind.